The Gift of Ownership in College Planning
Happy New Year! I trust your holidays have been times of peace and joy and that 2008 is starting with great promise! As families with the prospect of college looming on the horizon for your young people, this couldn’t be a better time!
Before the holidays, a brief debate flared on the listserve for the National Association of College Admission Counseling (NACAC) of which I am a member. The debate centered on ownership for college planning and the role that parents should, or in some cases, do take in managing the process. More than a few secondary school counselors reported that many of their parents are yielding to impulse in the completion of applications. Transgressions range from filling out the forms to editing if not writing the essays!
Some colleagues found the actions of these parents defensible in light of the tremendous pressure students feel to perform in the classroom as well as their relative lack of experience in handling such transactions. Their argument, “Why not give these hard-working kids the support they deserve?” Besides, the logic continued, isn’t this type of parental support consistent with the tendency to hire private educational consultants, put kids in pricey test prep programs or pay for access to essay editing services?
But not surprisingly, the consensus in this discussion fell strongly in line with the notion that the student must shoulder the responsibility for making things happen. After all, the parents aren’t going to college. The application is not a representation of their respective bodies of work. Rather, it is the student who is evaluated in the competition for admission. And it is the student, who, based on the strength of his credentials, will be given the opportunity to test his skills at the next level educationally.
This is the underlying thesis of my book, Winning the College Admission Game: Strategies for Students and Parents. If you have seen the book, you know it is a “flip book.” It has two “front” covers and contains messages for two audiences–students and their parents. You see, this whole exercise of finding and getting into the college that is best for the student comes at a time in the student-parent relationship when communication can be strained and the only commonality in their respective visions for the future is that there will be a future!
Getting to that future, though, in a manner that is ultimately rewarding to the student and satisfying to the parent calls for a new kind of teamwork–an approach that requires parents to cede ownership to their students, an approach in which “directing” needs to give way to “guiding.” Turning over the controls isn’t easy, especially for parents who have spent their lives making things possible for their kids, but at some point it’s necessary. (If you have taught your kids to drive, you know what I mean!) For kids, going to college represents, among other things, the opportunity to step out of their parents’ shadows and into a world of possibilities they can begin to imagine for themselves. And getting there, despite their inexperience and busy schedules, is something they must learn to do for themselves.
The gift of ownership, then, can be incredibly empowering for a young person who is straining to define herself. If you are a parent, either early in the college discovery process or watching your student complete the college application process, it is important to loosen your grip on the controls and begin stepping back. The fact is that college admission officers are eager to see how students are emerging as young adults. They want to hear their voices and learn about their accomplishments. They want a measure of the student’s vision and self-confidence that can only come from the student. You have done your job in that you have brought her to the point where she can begin speaking for herself. Now, it’s her turn.
And if you are a student in the college planning process, know that this is your time. Mom and Dad aren’t going to college with you. This is a big step for both of you and your parents as your roles are changing. Letting go for them won’t be easy but the chances are they have prepared you well for what you are about to encounter. As much as you will continue to call on your parents for guidance in the college planning process and throughout your life, you cannot expect them to get you from where you are to where you want to be. This is your journey. In stepping forward, then, remember that your college application needs to tell your story. You need to be the voice behind your essay. Embrace the gift of ownership and run with it. Make your future happen!
Student ownership and the notion of a student-centered college planning process are central to the programming offered by The Admission Game(R). In particular, these messages shape the content of the monthly College Planning Newsletter and the Straight Talk About College Admission teleseminar series. The next Straight Talk seminar takes place Wednesday, January 9 (9PM ET) when I will be joined by former dean of admission, Sam Barnett, in talking about “Senior Year Course Selections that Make A Difference-and Why.” For more information about the seminar and to register, go to http://www.theadmissiongame.com/teleseminar_schedule.php.
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