Whose Job Is It Anyway? (Part 1 of 8)
STRATEGIES TO MAKE YOUR APPLICATION COUNT Series
The college admission process is right around the corner. For many would-be college applicants, the next three months represent a critical staging period as they prepare their applications for admission. For the next eight weeks I will share with you strategies to make your application count. My objective is to give you the tools and insight necessary to compete for admission at the schools that fit you best.
The first thing we need to talk about is ownership. Whose job is it to complete the application process? There is a lot of confusion about the roles and responsibilities of students and parents as college looms on the horizon. In order for this process to work well and for the student to feel good about the outcomes, s/he must be the one investing in the preparation—not the parents.
I say this because I see a lot of evidence that the committee of “we” has taken over the planning process. “When are we going to start the applications?” “We need to start planning college visits.” “We just got more mail from XYZ college.” “What should we be thinking about in pulling together letters of recommendation?’ After a while, you begin to wonder, “just who is going to college?!”
Frankly, there shouldn’t be any doubt about who is going to college and that ownership for the process must rest with that person. For better or worse, though, we live in an age of the “helicopter” parent—the parent who constantly, and almost obsessively, hovers over just about any process of consequence involving his/her student to make sure it is completed well.
I know what this is all about because I have been a helicopter parent myself! After all, I was dean of admission when my own kids applied to college and I wanted them to benefit from all that I knew about the process. As a result, I instinctively tried to clear the path of the obstacles that only I could see while pushing, poking and prodding them forward in the process.
I thought I was doing the right thing until my daughter, Jennifer, finally suggested (gently) that I back off. “How am I ever going to know what it’s like to pick myself up if you never let me fall?” she asked, finally growing weary of my well-intended interference. And she was right. She needed to find her own way—to own the process, including all of the potential frustrations and disappointments—if she was to find satisfaction in the successes.
Given the high-stakes nature of college admission these days, the phenomena of the “helicopter” parent and the committees of “we” are to be expected. That doesn’t mean they or the behaviors they embody should be accepted, though. Take it from me — I learned to back off and my kids are just fine.
To learn more about roles and responsibilities in a student-center college planning process, check out my College Planning Workbook at http://www.theadmissiongame.com/products.php. On page 7, you will find a chart entitled “Whose Job Is It Anyway?” The Workbook ($12) is an interactive guide that walks students through the application process with a range of hands-on exercises. In addition, my book, Winning the College Admission Game, Strategies for Students and Parents, provides guidelines needed for everyone in the family to better understand their respective roles in the college admission process.
Are you a “helicopter” parent? Write to me at Peter@theadmissiongame.com for a free copy (pdf) of “You know you are a helicopter parent when…”
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